Safe Haven of Pender & Duplin Counties

Topsail Insider Intro and Coming Up

0:01

Welcome to the Topsail Insider Podcast, where you can hear all about the businesses and events in the beautiful coastal towns of the greater Topsail area of North Carolina. Coming up, I'm talking with Dr. Tracy Ray, Executive Director of Safe Haven of Pender, providing support to victims of domestic violence. Dr. Tracy's passion is so evident in this interview and she opens up about her own personal experience and the ways that she and Safe Haven seek to protect, empower, and advocate for anyone before, during, or even after leaving a dangerous situation. Please stay tuned and share this information with anyone needing Safe Haven.

Our Sponsor - Saltwater Suites

0:48

Experience a new level of luxury on Topsail Island at Saltwater Suites in Surf City, North Carolina. With no nightly minimum, you can enjoy short getaways or an extended stay. Each suite features luxury bedding, full kitchens with dining tables and dishwashers, and all suites other than the three ADA suites have full size washers and dryers. And don't forget about those beautiful ocean views. 24 7 self check in provides a hassle free and seamless experience. Saltwater Suites is the perfect choice for your next beach getaway. Book your next Topsail visit at saltwatertopsail. com or call 910 886 HAMPSTEAD. 4818 Saltwater Suites, Topsail Island's premier luxury hospitality experience.

Introduction to Dr. Tracey Ray and Safe Haven of Pender & Duplin Counties

1:42

Hello everyone and welcome to Topsail Insider. My name is Christa and I am your host. Today I have the privilege of speaking with Dr. Tracy Ray. She is the executive director of Saltwater Suites. Safe haven of Pender. She's serving both Pender and Duplin counties in North Carolina. She was also appointed by the governor to be a board member of the North Carolina Council for Women, and she is the program council chair of the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Thank you for joining me today on Topsider. I really appreciate it. Thank you for having me and good morning. Good morning. I love what you're doing and. I want everyone to hear about Safe Haven. So let's just jump right in. First of all, can you introduce the listeners to Safe Haven? What is Safe Haven and what is the mission? ?Sure, absolutely. So Safe Haven is a domestic violence program for victims and survivors and their children. Um, we provide shelter and services for those who are in imminent danger. So they're right now in an abusive situation and fleeing that situation. What we try to make sure individuals know is that we provide services for victims or survivors who are beyond the domestic violence incident, years beyond that, but need maybe follow up. And also for victims who are still in an abusive situation and may not be ready to leave. We still provide services for. Those individuals, and that's more like empowerment services, safety planning, so when they're ready to leave that they at least have some tools to leave in a safe manner. And we also provide financial resources so that when they, again, when they are prepared to leave that they have the resources to do that. So our services wrap around victims and survivors and, and it can look like, again, from anything from financial assistance to court accompaniment. We help with individuals obtaining domestic violence protection orders. We also do accompaniment in hospitals if hospital visits are necessary. Just whatever those services look like. We pride ourselves on the fact that we don't provide cookie cutter services. Um, sometimes we'll see situations that we've never seen before. We've never had to provide a service and we'll come together as a staff, as a team and figure out how we can best serve that person. How do the people come to you? How do you become aware that someone is in trouble or needs your help? Um, so we have a 24 7 crisis line. And that's manned at our shelter by advocates, um, and all of our advocates are trained advocates through the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence. We have to have 40 hours of training each year. And that's each year. Wow. The coalition offers those trainings, um, a lot. And then we also seek out community trainings. So our crisis line is one way that we receive referrals. We receive referrals from Department of Social Services, from the Health Department, sometimes from schools. We do a lot of social media posts and that sort of thing and sometimes we'll get inquiries through that, um, medium, that platform and also sometimes individuals will come across our website. And they'll um, send an inquiry and those come directly to my email and I forward those to our advocates. Gotcha.

How Safe Haven was Started in Pender County

4:53

Safe Haven's been around for a while, right? We have. We've been around since 1991. Tell me how it got started. So Safe Haven was started because the police department was getting, they were getting a lot of calls or inquiries or going to a lot of calls and there were domestic disputes. And so a team of volunteers started the program with the sheriff's department, police department, and the hospital. And they used to have a pager system and they traded Oh, remember those things? I know, right? And for people who don't know what a pager is, it's a little beeper on your side. Some people don't know what that is and that makes me feel so old. If I showed my granddaughter one, she'd be like, what in the world is that? So, um, that's how it started. And then shortly after that, maybe two years later, they incorporated I think around 1993 or so we incorporated and got a small grant and then we've been seeking funding and developing support. The community in Pender is amazing. Awesome. And we're building that relationship in Duplin because we're newer in Duplin County.

Now in Duplin County

5:50

How did Duplin get picked up? How did you spread into that area? So I'm glad you asked because it was such a huge nod for Safe Haven. Actually, our funder, Um, one of, we are funded by Cape Fear Council for Women. That's one of our major funders. And Duplin County was going through some transition and they weren't going to be using that funding anymore. Okay. And the funder reached out and asked if we would assume that county. Got it. And so that spoke a lot about the way we were providing the services in Pender. They were very pleased with it and we were happy to do it. We're an advocate organization through and through. That's our entire mission is to advocate for victims and survivors. How's it going in Duplin? How is the inclusion, is it fully integrated now? So it's not quite. Duplin is extremely large. So that would be a large part of it. So is Pender. Yeah, yeah. And, um, and the fact that we're new to Duplin, we've had to repair some relationships of people being unaware and maybe Having not good experiences with domestic violence intervention services for whatever reason, so we've had to do some repair in that regard. The wonderful thing is that we partner with Department of Social Services in Duplin, and they actually donate an office space to us. So that's a huge benefit to us, a wonderful partnership, and through them we're able to connect with the other community partners out there. And one of our board members is, uh, two of our board members are actually are from Duplin. So that also gives us an inroad as well. That's great. Yeah. I didn't think about that, but they need a voice in there too. That's

Crisis Hotline - (910) 259-8989, Lethality Assessments, and Intake Process

7:20

wonderful. Okay. Let's go back to that, the 24 hour crisis hotline. Can we go ahead and give out that phone number for the, for the hotline right, right now? And then also we will have that number and all of your other pertinent information in the end of the episode, but also it's always going to be in the show notes. So if anyone hears this episode and they want to get that number, just go into the show notes and you'll see that there. But let's go ahead and give out that number now. Okay. Our crisis line number is 910 259 8989. Okay. So when someone calls into that number, let's go through. What are the first things that you do when you get someone on that line? So the first thing when someone calls in, we want to see if they're safe right now. And that's generally the first question when we realize that, because we get crisis calls on that, and we also get support calls on that same line. And I'll give the difference between the two. So a crisis line is someone calling in, they're in imminent danger, or they're concerned that they're going to be in imminent danger. So they're calling to weigh out their options. Um, and that those options are, is shelter available? Are there financial resources to help with transitioning? What services are available if I am going to leave? And then the other calls that we get a lot are categorized those as support calls. And those are individuals who we're already serving, but maybe they just need to talk through something that's happening right now. Or maybe they need, again, financial assistance because they're in a safe house, but they are struggling with maintaining it. So they're calling for various support or they need food or gas and just whatever that might be. So we get a lot of those calls. But let's assume if we're getting a crisis call. that comes in. The first thing again is we want to do a lethality assessment and that's very brief. Generally, it is that question, are you safe right now? Is the abuser near you? Are they in the same home? Do I need to call 9 1 1 for you? If they obviously, if they say they're not safe right now, we encourage them to hang up and call 9 1 1. Um, and then beyond that, we get their information. We find out what they want to do, what they're seeking from Safe Haven at that moment. And then we build that, the conversation around that. If it's shelter and we have capacity, then we're going to start the intake process to bring them into shelter. Because we only have one shelter, we have about 21 beds available. We have seven rooms and depending on the family makeup, we have about 21 beds. So, if we don't have capacity in our shelter, then we call other shelters with their permission to see if they're willing to go to a shelter outside of the county. And then we call and make referrals. And we help with transportation if they need that, meaning we don't have a service that will drive someone to another county. We've done that very sporadically just because we don't have a driver, but we can help with gas and that sort of thing or pay for bus tickets or even, you know, airline tickets if necessary.

Safe Places (vs Shelter) with Support Family/Friends

10:17

You mentioned that it's not always about getting the person into the shelter, there are other places for them to stay. Let's talk about that. Yes, thank you for, for bringing that up. So sometimes there are, there are safe places, the individual has support family or support friends, that would be considered a safe place for them, but maybe they don't have the means to get to that place, that person. So, if the person, the family or that support person is in Virginia or even if they're in Raleigh, sometimes that becomes a difficult, that could be difficult for a person who doesn't have transportation or gas money. So we try to relieve those barriers to them getting to that safe person. Do you try to encourage them to take one path or the other? No, we don't because we want to empower them to do that because, and I'll try to be, explain this as best as possible. Maybe it's someone that I might consider a safe person because it's a sister, the victim or survivor seems to have a pretty good relationship with them, but maybe there are other underlining things that might not make that a safe place because maybe the abuser knows where the sister lives. Oh, yeah, yeah. Or maybe the sister is friends with someone who knows the abuser and, and, and they may contact that person. That little gap could create a whole lot of danger and make that an unsafe situation. So we don't, we don't try to advise. We just make it clear if this is a support person, we can assist with you go with the person going there. If not, then here, you know, here are some other options. And you said sometimes they're not going to leave in that moment. Absolutely. And that's okay. It is. We don't judge that. That's right. There's many reasons for that too. Absolutely. There's so many reasons. So many valid reasons that individuals who've never experienced that might not even ever, might not think about. You know, maybe the person is threatening to take their children away. Yes. Or maybe they just don't know anything else other than that relationship. And, and sometimes it could be simply, I hope that things change. Whatever it is. It's okay. But what we do is we work with safety planning because it's very important that the person knows how to exit safely or as safely as possible, right? Because we can't guarantee anything and abuse intensifies significantly when a victim decides to leave. Wow. It's just scary even thinking

Not Adding to a Victim’s Burden

12:32

about it. You said something that I, I found compelling. You said, we don't want to leave more burden on the victim than is already existing. Can you talk about that for a minute? Absolutely. And that, that's in totality, right? So victims already have a lot of, of burden on them. And, and what we, we realize is that before they ever make a call or reach out to us, They have thought that thing through, they have processed it, they have labored with that decision. So they've already, they're already coming to us. It's a huge step for them to take that plunge forward, to just make the call. And they're already considering all of these other options, what ifs, and all of this type of thing. So when they come to us, we don't want to then Weight them or task them with then another thing that they need to do. And our whole scope of our program from giving resources, we want to make sure those resources are vital. We want to make sure that the resource still is available before we give a number. We want to make sure we do our legwork and our due diligence to find out different information we can that will help in the transition. So I do want to say we do give a list of resources. We do give that and they're as viable as they possibly can be. Um, or as much as we know, but we also try to, to give tangible things like, for instance, housewares, personal care items, even if a person is not coming in our shelter, if they, if they're working with us, they're a client of Safe Havens and they need personal care items, they can come and shop, if you will, in our room of supplies. Oh yeah, yeah. You mentioned that. Just to reduce some of those burdens. And that's just a tip of it. I wish we could do far more, but just. Anything that we can do to reduce the burden, we try

Pantry/Supplies and How to Donate

14:21

to do that. So it's like, um, at one of your administrative offices, perhaps? Just like a pantry, sort of, of foods that they can come in? We have a storage shed out at our office, and we have all sorts of supplies. A family member has a child that has developmental disabilities and needed some personal care items. So, we got those yesterday out and took them to a location where she could, you know, safely come by and get those. So, just things like that. How can we donate to your storage for this purpose? So, we take donations at our office in Burgall or at the thrift store. Someone can drop off anything at a thrift store and say, this is a donation directly for the shelter and clients and they hold those for us.

Safety During Emergency Incidents

15:03

Okay. Wonderful. Let's say that someone's calling in and it is an emergency. They need to get out right away. Do you and a team show up at the door to help assist with this removal or how do you, how do you take care of a situation like that? We don't do house calls or any situation where an incident has occurred. We get law enforcement involved if the person does not have transportation. Many times they have transportation. If it's not their own, someone else will bring them and that's fine for them to do that. They sign a disclosure when they, or disclaimer, I'm sorry, when they get to the shelter that they won't give out the shelter's location and that sort of thing. Or if law enforcement needs to pick them up, we help to coordinate that. Okay. But y'all never go to the homes? We never go to the homes. Safe Haven never does that? Just for your own safety? For safety, absolutely. Okay. All right. And then we also, for safety, and then we definitely wouldn't want the abuser to connect a staff member with Safe Haven. So we try to protect our, our team as much as possible. Yeah, I didn't even think about that.

Statistics - Crisis and Support Calls and Shelter - Surprisingly High Numbers!

16:09

You mentioned some stats. Let's talk about the stats. Okay, so just to give an idea, we talked about our crisis line, and from January of this year through October the 31st, on our crisis line, we received 1, 081 crisis calls. And that is, and a lot of times without having that actual stat and that number, it is not really. absorb that this is how busy the crisis line is. I did not know it was that busy. Yes, we have a lot of crisis calls and, and that's separate from the support calls that I mentioned earlier. And support calls, we had 2, 873 support calls. So in the crisis calls, those are all again specific to either someone feeling that they're in imminent danger or in imminent danger or doing safety planning for when they plan to leave. And at one point we didn't use to separate those out. Our funders have requested that just to see that, that difference and there is a high number of individuals. That's much higher than I imagined. I was actually just thinking about that earlier when we were talking about the calls that were coming in and trying to imagine like maybe one, maybe two a day. It's not. That's crazy. That is. And it, and yeah, so that is necessary to have our staff on duty. We actually, there are two separate times of the day that we have two staff on duty because the shelter is very active, like right before students are, before bedtime. So when they get out of school and then dinner and all of those things are happening. And then we need a staff that is just on the crisis line that's able to do that and not have to be concerned with the interactions of the shelter. for that crisis hotline? Are there busier times of the day? You get more calls than usual during certain time frame? The peak time is probably between like 7 and and maybe noon or something like that. 7 a. m? Yeah, it's in the earlier part of the morning is when we get most crisis calls. We get some at night, some in the evening. We'll get a lot of support calls in the evening and of course it can run the gamut of the whole day. Yeah. But the earlier part of the day is is pretty peak for I would have guessed it to be. Peaking in the evening when folks are home from work and stressed out and But then if they're home with the abuser, generally the abuser is home as well. So those hours earlier in the day, they are probably out to work or the abuser is out to work. So they have sometimes some flexibility in those hours. That makes sense. And then another stat I do want to share is our shelter stat. So in shelter for that same time period, January through October 31st, we had 123 individuals through the shelter. Wow. Of that, there were 55 adults and 68 children. Oh. And these are all unduplicated. a lot of children. Okay. Okay. Are there any other stats you want to talk about? No. Those are the primary and I just, I just wanted to make sure that sometimes that helps to give a visual of

Services and Programs Offered through Safe Haven

19:03

the services. So let's talk about the services that are offered through Safe Haven. Okay. What services do you provide once someone is in your care or your guidance? Okay, so we provide empowerment group sessions, which is very important and very key. We provide those once a week. for adult and children. So our adult group is facilitated right now by one of our team members and that's on Monday evenings and we're also trying to start one here in Hampstead in this area during the day like midday empowerment group and so we're going to say that's forthcoming. The empowerment groups, where do you have those? So they're at another location. Undisclosed? Yes. Yes. Um, and, and right now it's in Burgall and the church donates their space for us to have that. And then we have a teacher who we contract with to do the children's empowerment group. And so they're going, it's going really well. It's grown a lot over the last, probably six to eight months. And which is a good thing that people are getting, the word is getting out there and more people are knowing about that. We also provide therapeutic services. We, that, this is very new. We always refer all of our clients, both in shelter and not, to Coastal Horizons, or if there's another therapeutic service that they need, then we'll, we make those referrals. We've just received a grant from Cambridge Foundation, which is a new foundation in North Carolina, and that's to help with us launching a therapeutic. Program. I love that. We do too. We're so super excited about that. And to launch it because there are smaller grants, so we're like, how can we stretch this and make it really work? So we're partnering with Coastal Horizons, um, to do a co located therapist and which is just beyond our, our, what we would have thought we would be able to do in this year because we'll be starting like this month, we should start to have a therapist. And what that means is that the therapist. is their staff person. And then we contract for a few hours a week for that person to be co located at Safe Haven. Okay, gotcha. So we've got the housing and the shelter. Tell me how the church groups assist. You said they're providing their space for your Right, they donate their space for us to do the empowerment group. So we, we have Through Pender County, and hopefully we're able to replicate this in Duplin, but in Pender, the church support is amazing. We could not do what we do so effectively without churches. We have churches that come on and they'll come and completely remodel a room from painting to new linen on the bed and comforters and just make it so welcoming and so beautiful. It's amazing. I did go on the, on the website. I saw some pictures and they did, you, you had mentioned that they go in and they really help with the shelter space. Yes. And so when I saw the pictures, I'm like, wow, they really are like dedicated to making that feel as much like home as possible. It was really sweet and beautiful. Yes. I mean, we have churches. I mean, they just, they love the mission. They love. The individuals that we serve and just what we're doing and and yeah, we could not do that do it without them. That's wonderful Um, what about if you're at capacity in your space? Are you often at capacity in your shelter? We often are okay. Um, and and the reason again is because we only have seven bedrooms seven rooms And depending on the family dynamic so we could Potentially we have one room downstairs because our shelter is upstairs and downstairs And we have one room that's downstairs. So if we have someone that cannot access the upstairs and has to be downstairs, they may, it may be a single person, but then that room downstairs has four bedrooms in it. So then. If it's only one person in that room, then that shuts that room down, but potentially we could have had three other individuals utilize it. So for that, because of the way the family dynamics are, sometimes we stay at capacity quite often. So when you are at capacity, what do you do with your overflow? Okay, when we're at capacity, we call, um, different shelters. If the individual is willing to go to a shelter outside of county, we'll call other shelters and make a referral for them to go. Do you ever use hotels? Do they step in when needed at all? We do. We pay for the rooms. We don't have a contract with a hotel, but we try to do that only as a very last option. Gotcha. Because of safety. You mentioned hospital accompaniment, how do you manage the healthcare and the hospital stays and the mental health referrals? What if the person does not have insurance, does not have the financial means to take care of that? Is there a program out there for that? So there is a program and it's called Charity Care. Um, several of our, the individuals that we serve who have not had insurance have utilized that service with prescriptions and things like that. Safe Haven can pay for those and we do quite often. Um, and Coastal Horizons also has resources for that. Wonderful. So let's, let's say that we have someone who is, has come out of a dangerous situation. Now they're out on their own. They're not making money. They don't have a job. Maybe they were a stay at home mom. So how do you go about helping them get employment? So we refer them to NC WORKS, which is the Old Employment Security Commission. So we refer everyone there and there's actually an application or I think it's a, probably more of an intake to NCWORKS that they can do online. And our, um, staff makes that referral, gives them the information so that they can do that initially before even making an appointment at NCWORKS. You can help them with rent and utilities? We can. So, so there are two different ways that we support clients with utility and rent assistance and that's those sort of things. So one is a program that we are operating, which is called the HOP Program. And that's Healthy Opportunities Pilot Program. It's a pilot right now. And that program, if a person is receiving Medicaid. and they have another pre existing barrier or condition and that is all determined through their insurance companies, um, and they will make the referral to us. So that's not an intake through Safe Haven. Okay. That comes in through third party, but we receive funding to provide, um, first month's rent. utility deposits, and also move in support. With the move in support that actually pays for their furniture inside of a certain, there's a parameter, but it'll pay for their furniture. And just to kind of get them set up. Absolutely. That's wonderful. I love that. And then through Safe Haven, just through our general organization and program for any survivors or victims who need rent assistance. Or also just various things, move in support. We do that and we do that on a different scale so we don't have like a, a budget per person. But if a person needs a sofa or need beds and that sort of thing. It's individual. Right. It's based on that individual's needs. And if we, and anything, and I should have maybe said this when we're talking about our thrift stores, anything that our clients need from our thrift store, they don't have to pay for that. Oh, nice. And that's clothing, furniture, housewares or anything. Wonderful. And then there's the financial guidance part of that when they do get out on their own and they're in their place and they're finding employment and they're getting set up. You guys do offer financial guidance as well, right? We do. We do. One of our staff persons was trained through the YWCA to do financial literacy. And so she does that for any client who's interested in that. And also clients that maybe that we've helped quite a bit through with financial resources and you start to see a pattern, we'll recommend that they attend that class. Okay. And then they may not be familiar with the government programs such as WIC or SNAP and so you guys help introduce that as well. We absolutely do. We do that at the very front part of their intake once they're in and settled so those aren't things that we address right away because we provide food and um, any type of resource or anything that they would need while they're in the shelter. Gotcha. You mentioned earlier about transportation. Once they get out on their own, what kind of help do they get with transportation? So if they have a vehicle, we can help them maintain it. So sometimes they may have a vehicle, but it needs some work done to it to make it safe and registrations and that sort of thing, updated license plates. So we'll help with those things. We also will, we don't have like a vehicle purchase program or um, we don't, we don't have a contract with the auto mechanic, but we certainly would love to do that in the future. Pay attention guys. So um, but right now we, we're able to pay for that and our grants will reimburse us for that. Okay. And you also mentioned gas cards, I believe. Yes. Anytime we can, we try to purchase those in bulk and offer those to individuals that we serve. If they come to any Safe Haven event, for instance, empowerment groups, because they're traveling there, so we, we offer a gas card for them attending those events.

Website and Quick Escape Button

27:49

Wonderful. I love that. Now, let's talk about your website. One thing that I love about, it took me a minute to figure it out too. So I'm perusing your website and I see this quick escape button. And I was like, I don't understand, like, is this so like I reach out to them like immediately, but then I clicked on it. Like, what is it? And it took you off the page. It took me off the page. I was like, how? How clever is that? So talk to me a little bit about your website and this quick escape button. Yeah, so we're so thankful that that is a part of, actually most websites that you visit that are survivor or victim focused, they'll have the quick escape. So what quick escape does, and it should populate on different tabs, that's the goal, is that a victim or survivor, if they're searching our services or other services, they can exit it. And get out of that page quickly, but the, the So if someone walks in on them. So if someone walks in and, but even beyond that, the awesome thing is that it clears it out of history. So that if a person, because sometimes the abuser is checking what they're searching. So it clears it out of the history. Wow. Very smart.

Haven Hive - Dream Initiative - Affordable Housing

28:55

Okay. What is Haven Hive? So Haven Hive is our, maybe our dream initiative. This is our, um, what we're looking at in the future. So there is such a, a low inventory of affordable housing in our community, in our, in our tri county, in fact. And it's been become more and more difficult for us to transition a person out to their own safe home because of the lack of affordability. It's out of control really. It's so disappointing. It really is. It really is. And, and we're seeing the trend not get better and it's not just for us. I mean, you know, we hear it if we turn on the news, whatever. And so we realize that in order for us to provide a holistic service. And for individuals to be able to sustain their transition, we've got to move into a transitional type program. And our shelter services are deemed emergency shelter. So what that means is that our stay is only 60 days, which is probably longer than most shelters in our tri county area. And it's still not enough. It's not enough time for someone to Really get in a place of healing, a place ready to really move forward, and to be able to even think about sustaining a safe and healthy environment and living space. Yeah, I didn't think about that. So it's not just about coming in and getting a job and getting back on your feet and moving on with your life. There's some healing that has to happen and that cannot happen in just 60 days. And imagine if you're trying to process all of that. And you know, you, you have a date, because we do give a date, not to make that intimidating to a person, but just to say, hey, we're looking at this, so if we're moving a bit fast, this is why, because we're looking at that. But with that said, I want to be clear that we never discharge a person. at a 60 day mark, just because they're at a 60 day mark. If you see that they're just not ready. They're not ready, but they're, but they're working toward a transition. Gotcha. We will, we will never. We've had individuals in our shelter upward of close to a year. But you have to see that work, the effort that they're putting in. We do, we do. Because one, we're funded by grants largely. That's probably 80 percent of our funding stream. And we do have to report those stats out. Gotcha.

Safe Haven Thrift Store and Haven Home Furniture & Decor

31:11

So let's talk about the stores that you have here in Hampstead. We have the Safe Haven Thrift Store, which I love, and they have um, a wonderful annual Christmas event where you get to go in, and it's beautifully decorated with all this Christmas decor. And I found some lovely items in there last year and y'all just had that, right? I just missed it. We did. We just had it this past Saturday. It was amazing. And this is our annual event. This year, we probably grossed maybe about 11, 000 in that one day. It is amazing. Oh my gosh. It makes all the difference in the world. And all the proceeds from the thrift stores go directly to client services. And the beautiful thing is that it helps us, it allows us, I should say, to do whatever is necessary for a client. Maybe it's not a line item in a budget that we have. Because for years, car repairs were not a line item. That was something we could not do. Yeah. And gas cars weren't. But we were able to do those things from the unrestricted funds we received from the store. That's open year round. You can go there. Racks and racks of clothing and handbags and all kinds of stuff in there, but also that Christmas shop. Yes. And a beautiful experience. And the first Saturday of every month is 50 percent off. Nice. Nice. You can stay abreast of those happenings just by following on the Facebook page. Okay, now I just learned by talking to you about a second store right there in the same building there in Hampstead, but on opposite ends, right, of the, of the building. So tell me about the second store there. Okay, so our second store is Haven Home and it's Home and Decor. And we have the most beautiful items, uh, antiques, just unique pieces in the store and it's very beautifully staged. We get quite a bit of traffic through there actually. A lot of people like yourself still don't know about it. We're, this would be our second year. Second year. I don't know how I missed it. I drove by on Sunday, not realizing, I was like, maybe they're closed on Sunday, but let me just take a chance. I actually went and U turned and came back and pulled in and I peeked in, everything was dark. I'm like, okay, they're not open on Sundays. That makes sense. But I didn't realize I had just missed that whole thing on Saturday. I'm so disappointed. We'll go. There were so many items. We had so much inventory. I'm sure you'll get a great find. There's still some Christmas stuff in there. Like if I just want to go shopping there on a regular day, I go check out the Christmas stuff. All of the stuff there is donated, correct? Absolutely. All the stuff for the clothing and whatnot on one side but all the furniture is also

Volunteers and Fundraisers

33:49

donated? Everything is donated and our stores are largely operated by volunteers. By volunteers. So speaking of those volunteers, tell me how you find or how does one become a volunteer? Okay, if someone's interested in volunteering they can let a staff in the store, one of the stores know. Okay. We have hard copies of applications in store. We actually have a volunteer coordinator who is also a board member and she's doing a fantastic job with that. We're looking at having quarterly volunteer orientations so we can bring on new volunteers and just kind of orientate them to the process. As well, someone could go on our website and also fill out an application. And that application goes directly to our Chief Operating Officer, Felicia Green. Okay. Let's talk about your annual fundraisers. One was the one we just spoke about. That's the annual Christmas event that you have. And is that a barbecue? No, that's not. The Christmas event is not. Christmas event is separate. But you also, you do have an annual fundraiser that is a barbecue. Tell me about that one. So our annual barbecue fundraiser, actually this was our first year, this year doing that, and it went over extremely well, so now it's become an annual one. And this is our kickoff to Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which is in October of every year. We follow the, the national guidelines for that. The kickoff gives us an opportunity to bring awareness to that and all the other events that we do. We do a walk in a vigil that recognizes all of the homicide victims. In that particular year, we partnered with Brown Dog Coffee Shop over in the Burgaw area. So it's very moving. It's, it's a wonderful event and a great time for awareness. You said that's a walk? Yes. Tell me about that. So we walk, we, we gather at the coffee shop and then we, um, we walk together to the park, which is probably, I'm going to say maybe four or five blocks away from the coffee shop. And we have our shirts on that say Safe Haven. Yeah. And this is I think our third year may be doing the walk, and we're just trying to, again, create more awareness around that, and we have beautiful ribbons, one of our staff member does, that has the names of victims, homicide victims for that year. From domestic violence. From domestic violence. That's, wow. Okay. I really want to, I want to be a part of that next year. I want to go. That's, that's in October. That's in October. Yes. And we'll start planning for that like around February. So very early. So I'll be sure to get you that information. And it's pushed out on socials? Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay.

Dr. Tracey’s Personal Experience from Survivor to Empowered

36:19

Okay. Now I would love to talk all about Dr. Tracey Ray. So wait, you are from Wilmington. I am. Are you born and raised Wilmington? Yes. Tell me about your childhood here in Wilmington. Yeah, I grew up in Wilmington and went to school through the public school system in Wilmington. So just as a teenager, what happened in my teenage years has launched me into this work. So I was, I am a survivor of teen dating violence. And this was back, oh my gosh, in 89, when no one's talking about that. You know, before we were talking about teen dating violence. I, there was no resource that I knew of. I'm not going to say that it wasn't available. It just wasn't largely talked about. So you were in high school. I was in high school and like, I never remember seeing a pamphlet or, you know, a brochure or having a session about that or, or anything. And I knew going forward and I didn't know how, I'm not even sure why I knew that. I just knew going forward, this would be a part of, Something, I would be a part of some effort to make sure that this, this doesn't continue like this for others. So when we were talking on the phone, you did tell me about this education process that you're working in, this thing, you just traveled to Michigan for it. And it was to talk to churches, if I'm not mistaken, about victims and how to properly work with victims. Right. And this was based on your experience that you just mentioned. Do you mind sharing more about your experience? Sure. And then I would love to talk about what your working on now and what you just went to Michigan for. Okay, sure, absolutely. So, um, during those years as a teenager and young adult, I was also a part of a church that I grew up in, and in that church, I remember it very legalistic church. And I remember beyond high school, as a result of this abusive relationship, I subsequently became pregnant and it was an unwed pregnancy. And I remember the pastor at that church came to me, came to my mom, my mother's home. And, um, let me know that I would be disfellowshipped from the church because I was pregnant out of wedlock. And I think the terminology was that it was a noticeable sin or something like that. And never, you know, never any follow up or, or checking in with me, know what, you know, was I okay? What, did I need anything? Because again, I'm in an abusive situation here. And no one knew that. Like that was, I was really outside of a few people, but I was suffering in silence. In that moment, you've been abused. Now you're pregnant and you're not finding the support that you need. How did you get through it? How did you come out on top? You're successful. You have a beautiful education and you're spreading the word and you're giving back to the community. How do you pull yourself out of that? You know, honestly, in that moment, I don't know that I knew. Like, I don't, I don't know that I was making conscious decisions and efforts to pull myself out of it. Okay. In that space, what I do remember is I didn't think I would come out of it. Like I had resolved that I would not come out of that relationship. So looking back at it, I'm, I'm so thankful that God did that. Like, in my Absence of mind, because I was so numb, I was in survival mode and just not aware, just absolutely not aware. Just to, to be able to survive it. Once I had my child, I knew I had to live for him. And he became the focus and he became the drive. And I did not want him to ever be harmed. And he became my why. And I started to seek. opportunities or ways to be free. And by that, just, I felt like education for some reason was my way out of that and, and my way to a better life, like even not just out of the, the abusive situation, but beyond. My circumstances in totality, and that's why empowerment is so critically important for me and the work we do at Safe Haven. The foundation has to be empowerment, because once a person is empowered, then they will excel, they will transition, because it's impossible to be empowered and remain, I guess, is my thinking. Okay, so let's talk about that education. Tell me about becoming Dr. Tracey, right? So the journey to that was, I never knew it. Oh, really? Never ever know that, that I could not have even imagined that. Never even thought about it. And I'm glad I did not because I think it would have been overwhelming. It was in the process of, and when I was completing my graduate degree, someone actually suggested that, was like, hey, I think you should look at this program. And it was a colleague, and I did, and it was so in line with what I was doing with Safe Haven. Like, I knew that I was, the development of Safe Haven, not just acquiring funding, but developing the infrastructure, developing programs that will, will serve the whole person of, of the clients that we serve in all different types of aspects. And I was learning that through my education and I knew also that I, at some point, like I said, to work on policy or to go back in the churches and gut this thing out, if you will, and, and, and put some, some things in place because it's impossible that they're not victims. I know I wasn't the only victim sitting in a church pew. And how do we reach the churches? How do we reach? Individuals, so that others can be served in our churches, and that's how I, this project came about. In Michigan, I actually met a professor from Andrews University. Through my dissertation work, it wasn't through the church, that wasn't what I was seeking. I had been sampling some of her work, and I wanted to talk to her about it, because it was so in line with how I felt, and I'm like, I've not read, I've read so many books and so many articles, and I've never read a person, a published writer who was so in line with my thoughts. And that's why I reached out to her and connected with her. And about a year later, she contacted me and she said, Hey, I think I want you to be on this team. I got this team. And, and of course, at that point I knew she was a part of the same church that I was a part of. And I didn't know that when I was reading her work. Yeah. Again, so I contacted her, she'd mentioned, she'd said a few things in her article. that made me think maybe she has some understanding of this church, but I wasn't sure, like I didn't know her. And when I reached out to her, I said, Hey, by the way, and she said, yeah, you know, and not only is she a part of the church, but on and beyond a national level, she's on a part of the church from the North American division. So for all of North America. And, um, and the fact that she would bring me to the table. She didn't know me. I didn't have anything published, you know, at that point. That's God's work. I know it. Because even my dissertation wasn't completed. So I literally had no published work. And here's this published professor who's willing to bring me to the table with, you know, other professors because it had to come through academia. I didn't even understand that. Again, I wasn't seeking it. I was just available for it. And she said, Hey, by the way, this project came up and I'm tasked with writing a curriculum for churches to respond to domestic violence intervention. I said, Oh my gosh. I was, I just had like that moment. Like, are you kidding me? So it's your purpose. Yeah, I know it. And I mean, so a year and a half later, and it was gruesome. It was a lot of, you know, we had to get some evidence based stuff. And she had done so much research through her publishing. And then to attach me to that and let me, and allow me to be an author on this work. And, and so this training in Michigan comprised of different women's ministry leaders, primarily that are part of this church, uh, from the conference level or from a national level. Okay. And then the school itself where we did the training has a seminary. So, for a part of the training, the seminary students had to come in, and that was wonderful because you have pastors that go through seminary who never have any training on domestic violence intervention. Right. And yet, it's inevitable that it's in the churches. So, um, it was just powerful, and like I mentioned to you. to be there and one of the days to be actually on my birthday. And when I was doing some of the prep work for that, and it just came back to my mind, on your birthday 33 years ago, that's when the pastor disfellowshipped you. You were pregnant in an abusive situation, and now it's a process of time. Yeah. So, since then. I know that you're working to make a big improvement in that process for pastors dealing with that happening in their congregation. Do you feel like progress was made since that point up to now, absolutely. So the North American division of this church paid for this resource to be printed, paid for, you know, the travel, the, the writers and all of that for this to be entered into church. So that's a huge, huge step forward. And I just the other day had a, we have a new pastor at our church and for that person to come to me and say, you know, what can we do? In this work that you're doing, how can the church support? So that wouldn't have happened years ago. And I've, you know, had the privilege of speaking to churches about domestic violence and domestic violence intervention. So absolutely, yes, there's a long way to go. There's still a long way to go. There has been, there have been great strides in this work. Well, good. I'm so glad to hear it. I'm glad you're doing the work. Thank you very much. And happy belated birthday. Thank you. Yeah. You said you had been with Safe Haven for 15 years total now, but you also co founded a program called LINC. Can you tell me about LINC? Sure. Sure. LINC is an acronym for Leading Into New Communities. And LINC provides services for individuals who are returning from incarceration. So, the goal of LINC is to help individuals transition back into society from incarceration. To reduce recidivism, individuals need, uh, complete wraparound services, and generally services wrapped around housing. to transition back in a healthy way. The co founder with me, Frankie Roberts, is actually still the executive director of the program, and it is doing remarkable. Actually, he probably would be someone you might want to speak with. Interview? Yeah, I would love that. I certainly will. Are you still active within LINC? I'm not still active in the organization itself. Okay. Before you came into Safe Haven, I believe even before LINC, you came into your field educating K 12, tell me a little bit about that work. Okay. That was actually my introduction to Safe Haven. I did leave Wilmington for a brief period. I was in Raleigh. I was doing some contract work with the Department of Corrections, and I had started writing about victim services, domestic violence victim services. I had never had any experience or been connected with programming, and actually Frankie Roberts, the co founder of LINC, he introduced me to Ted Procco, who is the previous executive director of Safe Haven. He had written a grant for this youth program to do education in the school systems in Pender County, and that's what I was hired in to do initially, and did that for probably, maybe four years. And that program consisted of everything from kindergarten hands for hitting through high school, which was called the Safe Dates program. Okay. Within that education program, it was K through 12. So you're educating people in high school about dating and what's appropriate or what's safe, I guess, is the better word to choose there. But you're also talking to kindergartners. up through ages that you're not quite dating yet, what, what would you work with them on? So a lot of that was safe touching. We had a, a phenomenal little curriculum. It was just a book, but it was so fun and it was hands are not for hitting. So we talked about what are your hands for? And also I forget which grade it was, but then we talked about safe areas, safe body areas, and that was using the bathing suit model, the swimsuit model. And, and we had to have a parental consent. For all students to participate, even through high school, parents had to consent and have just a brief outline

Future Plans and Final Thoughts

48:50

of what the curriculum looked like. Did you find that it was well received by the parents, I would imagine? Yeah. Alright, so now let's talk about any future plans. We did talk about the Hive. What else do you have, whether it's for you professionally, or if it's about Safe Haven or the Hive, tell me what you got in the works. Okay. So we'll, we'll talk about Safe Haven because we have a big future that we're looking at definitely with the transitional housing and that's the Haven Hives. We're looking at funding for that. to support doing transitional housing. Also we're looking at, as I mentioned, we're going to be contracting with Coastal for a co located therapist. We need to actually grow that in house. So for a future we're looking to have two therapists in house, one that will work just with our children and one with the adults in the family. Those are our major plans for the future and also another shelter because right now we only have one shelter. And we're serving two counties, so we definitely need to, um, to have another shelter. Okay, and how can we, the public, help with that? Just be a part of those fundraisers, how are you trying to get traction in those regards? Okay, yes, certainly support all the fundraisers that we have. We're looking at doing a few other fundraisers for this year. We just had a board meeting on yesterday, so hopefully those will be, or not for this year, I'm sorry, for the earlier part of 2024. And those will be rolling out. So support all efforts for fundraising. If we have landlords out there who would be willing to contract with us to provide affordable housing that can help with the transitional part of it. Okay. And or landlords that would be willing to, that have a large space that we can use as a shelter. So just any of those type of things are awesome. Wonderful. And, final thoughts. These two go together so well, your future plans, but just final thoughts, what is the one thing that you really just want the listeners to know about you or Safe Haven? About me, I'll start with me, is that my heart and my passion is to serve victims and survivors. And that we provide, and when I say we, partnering with the community, provide a safe, space in the community for victims and survivors. Then that could be in whatever way, lending, support, donating to our thrift store, beautiful items, wonderful items that our clients can use because they don't have to pay for anything. That's who I am and what I would love to see continue to happen and just about our clients and safe haven. continue the support. We appreciate it. We get a lot of support

Contact information

51:21

from Pender County. And so, I think I just want to say thank you for that support because it makes all the difference. Yeah. Awesome. All right. So, it is time to give out your contact information. You want to take it away? Sure. Okay. So, you can reach us. Our crisis line again is 910. 259 8989 and that's manned by a trained staff person at all times. So and our office line number is 910 663 9186 and that goes directly to our office and the office is manned from 9 a. m. until 4 p. m. Monday through Friday. And your website is www. safehavenofpender. com. Do you get a lot of emails from people? Or is it mostly phone calls? It's mostly phone calls. But if someone wants to reach you by email? If someone wants to reach me by email, you can reach me at trey, T R A Y, at safehavenofpender. com. I have an address here. It's a P. O. Box. Is that your, just your mailing address? Yes. Okay. You want to give that out? Yes. Our P. O. Box is P. O. Box 657. Burgall, North Carolina, 28425. And you're on Instagram and you're also on Facebook. Yes. And I do recommend that you go there, find them on Facebook and Instagram and follow them so that you're privy to all of these upcoming fundraiser events. All right. Well, thank you listeners for joining us on this episode today about safe haven. And thank you again, Dr. Tracy. Thank you for being on Topsail Insider podcast.

Topsail Insider Closing

52:53

I really appreciate you coming here and doing this with me today. Well, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. It's my pleasure. Hey, thank you for joining me today on Topsail Insider. If you liked today's episode, please hit the follow or subscribe button so that you can get the Topsail Insider podcast. Delivered automatically to whichever podcast platform you're listening on. And if you're a business owner and you wish to set up a pre interview or you want to advertise, please email me at topsailinsider at gmail. com. Please also find and like the Topsail Insider Facebook page. I provide links to the new podcast there each week, as well as providing photos of the businesses that I'm highlighting along with any of their upcoming events. So, Hey, let's do this again next week. I'll see you around Topsail.